About Me

I am the world's worst travel companion. As soon as I embark on a journey, whether it be land, air, rail or sea I suddenly embrace an alter-ego and become absolutely horrible. I have always enjoyed observing people, creation and basically everything. I like to think, as does everyone, that I have a keen sense of humour albeit a little obtuse from time to time.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

Recently, I entered a competition run by a car manufacturer who wanted stories relating to occasions when a vehicle had caused one to smile.  This brought back to mind many vivid memories including the story of my beloved father and his incredible natural affection for people whom he did not know which I submitted to the competition and so, I have decided to begin my blog with one other such moment.

I had been called out to a client whose network had gone down.  Getting into my very old Corolla I discovered I had left the lights on and the battery was flat.  My son’s car was in the driveway, it was early and he was asleep, so instead of waking him up, I devised a plan that would enable me to get my car started. 
Our driveway is exceptionally steep so I would single-handedly tow my car up the drive with my son’s car and roll start my car from the elevated angle.  I reasoned :
Step 1   Place my son’s car tow-hitch to tow-hitch against my car and
Step 2   use the Dog leash (I have bullterriers the leash is exceptionally strong) to tow my car a little way up the drive. 
Step 3   I would then put the handbrake on in my son’s car and leave it in gear, and
Step 4   quickly alight from the vehicle and jump into my car and put its handbrake on and put it in gear, 
Step 5   return to my son’s car, reverse slightly,
Step 6   disconnect the  “tow-rope aka dog leash” and
Step 7   return to my car and roll-start.
Well,  that was the theory.  In practice, however,  I got to Step 4.  As I approached the door to my vehicle, the knot I had used to tie the dog-leash to my son’s car suddenly and in an amazingly swift, single action, came undone and before I could say “Bob’s your uncle” my now untethered little car went zooming down the hill, narrowly missed two cycads, gained additional momentum on the grassy bank  and in an unwanton fury of horsepowerless-thrust dodged a chinese palm and came to rest amidst a number of indigenous trees saved by the mulch beneath them!
After collapsing in state of hysterical laughter, I calmly stood up, regained my composure and phoned the insurance company.  Mentioning that I was insured with an all risks policy I asked if all risks covered sheer stupidity .  They, too, were hysterical with laughter and assured me I was insured against that too. 
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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am crying remembering the car in the forest it was halirious! Post a pic!